alcoholics anonymous

“Hi, my name is Lex and I’m an alcoholic” my sophomore self introduced myself to a heard of my highschool classmates.

Snickers could be heard throughout the classroom.

“Now Lex, none of us are like that.” My chemistry teacher corrected me.

Here we are, 4 years later, and this time I’m saying it for real.

My psychiatrist made me go. I didn’t want to. While they didn’t physically force me, it was heavily suggested.

“I can’t do it anymore!” I cried in the group therapy session. “My friends joke and laugh, ‘we’ll bring soda for the pregnant one’ or ‘your twenty-first birthday is just a few days after you’re no longer pregnant’ wink wink. Everyone assumes that because I’m pregnant i can stop. I can’t. They don’t know how much I’ve snuck late at night, they don’t know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep. I’m tired of this. I just want to go numb.”

At the end of the group, I was handed a sheet full of groups. Turns out that there are a lot in my hometown.

“Find a gome group and go weekly” i was instructed.

Fast forward to a week later. It’s a Wednesday night and I have nowhere to be.

“You should go to a meeting,” M suggested as I tried to compile a list of ways to distract myself. “It’ll be a good distraction.”

I showed up to the church and was greeted by an older lady and three college students. As it turns out, the students were there for a class assignment, not because they were, in the words of another member, “one of us,”

Most seemed to think that i was a student there to write a paper. The common belief that someone my age could have a problem like this was unbelievable perpetuated, even here.

I said nothing during the meeting. To my surprise, everyone there was dressed nicely and could just as easily have been going into work. They were mostly older and looked like the type of people to judge those who drink. Surprisingly, they were some of the nicest people. They all came up and introduced themselves and questions to get to know me. I felt welcomed.

They were all such good friends, they would go out to eat together, help each other refurnish their houses, ans just generally hang out. They were some bopping old people.

I will keep shopping to find a “home group”. I’ll post my reviews of each group here because I can’t exactlt tell anyone about this… yet.

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