open book, closed chapter

I’m great at overthinking.  I overthink people’s reactions.  I overthink why they say what they say.

I’ve decided that I’m changing my approach to how I interact with people.  I’m not sure what to call it, an open-book-closed-chapter approach, perhaps.  Want to ask questions about my mental health?  I’ll tell you about my hospitalizations.  Talking finances?  I’ll tell you about my 5k in debt but how I’m currently saving on a zero-dollar budget.  Want me to tell you where I’m working?  I’ll tell you about the job that you know about unless it comes up in conversation.  I’m more apt to tell you where I’ve been rather than where I’m going.  I’m more inclined to figure that out on my own an if you prove yourself worthy, I’ll take you along for the journey.  Right now, G and M know about how I want to be a teacher.  That’s it.  They’re the only ones I’ve been open with.  M wants me to, because, in his own words “I would be so happy”.  I’m planning on emailing a few highschool English teachers this week and seeing what they recommend.  I hope to be back in school by next Summer or next Fall, when financial aid would be more encompassing of my current situation.

I don’t understand why people feel the need to be up in one’s every business.  I don’t understand why people feel obligated to know everything.  If I haven’t talked to you in three weeks, why do you think you should know my innermost thoughts and feelings?  You don’t have to know them.

Anyways, I’m having dinner with Mia tonight.  I’m trying to develop a strategy because I know she’s going to ask a lot of personal questions.  I know that whatever I say will be spread around, and I want it to be the most mature thing possible.

Honestly?  I’m happy right now.  Things are okay.  This isn’t the worst time to have a baby.  This isn’t the worst time to change careers.  This isn’t the worst time for any of it.  This is actually a great time – a time of opportunities.

If I survive then I’ll see you tomorrow,

Lex

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