Per M’s suggestion, I looked it up and… itching is a common side effect of the new medicine I just started, Setraline/Zoloft.
Other than the itching, I’ve not had any severe side effects, which is nice. Mild exhaustion and itching is livable, although the itching certainly impairs my life.
I do, however, feel as if the itching contributes to my skin being bad immensely. I still feel as if I’d be beautiful without skin. I still feel as if being skinned is how I should be. I do not want to have skin – so I will continue to pierce and prod and tattoo and modify mine until it feels right, until there is control. Until I have control over how I feel about my skin. Until I know that my skin is right.
However, it will never be right. There will always be something amidst. Always something that is wrong and that I need to change and that I wish was different. Something. I will never be right. I will never be correct. I am wrong. I am inherently wrong.
I wish I could feel better about myself, but I just can’t. I’m trying so hard.
If I survive then I’ll see you tomorrow,