fat monday

I’m exhausted.

Trying to find clothes to wear shouldn’t be so exhausting. All I’ve eaten today is 2 little cookies this morning and 2 ribs this afternoon so why do I still look so fat in all my clothes? Nothing fits right. My stomach sticks out too much and my ass is too small and I’m supposed to be at my boyfriends in 20 minutes, but instead I’m lying on my bed which is piled high with clothes that look like trash on me and writing this post because I’m trying not to cry and mess up my face.

I was losing weight so well, but I know I gained some back over the holiday. I can feel it. Now I’m starving and I’m probably going to get drunk super easy tonight and make a fool of myself and I still won’t look good.

Sometimes I just wish I could take a knife and carve off the extra fat from the places I hate.

It doesn’t matter if other people tell me I look nice. They could be 100% genuine, but I still feel gross and like they’re lying to me because they feel obligated.

Once I’m drunk enough I hopefully won’t care how I look, but I’m tired of needing alcohol to cover up my insecurities.

Oh well.. wish me luck I guess.

– G

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